Slut skills are useful in every country.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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