she looked like the bat from fern gully.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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