Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
