I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just invented taco cereal.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
