you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
