Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
