My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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