I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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