I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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