we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
