i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
