ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
