I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
