Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
