you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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