No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
