Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
