Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
