end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
