be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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