This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
