Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
