there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
40s are totally the cure
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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