this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
