There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
