I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
