Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
