Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
