so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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