FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Couch. On fire.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
