Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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