His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
