How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
