The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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