dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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