i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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