so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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