So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
