dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
