i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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