i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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