hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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