big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
there is puke in my bra ... again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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