in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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