I'm lost and stupid without you.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
