if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
