I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
