He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
