its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
