I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
