it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
