just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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